Mom there you go again, screaming at your kids. Feeling out of control. Feeling guilty. There is a mindfulness technique known as S.T.O.P. that can help screaming crazy Moms become the Moms they desire. S.T.O.P. is a powerful yet basic mindfulness technique that can be used throughout any busy mom’s day.
We all want to be the calm, soft spoken mom who gently speaks to her children with encouragement. But let’s face it that simply doesn’t work out that way for me all the time. Sometime I just lost it and I end up hating myself for it and feeling like the worst mom ever.
Thankfully there are lots of ways that mindfulness can help well-meaning moms to communicate with our children in the manner we desire. STOP is a mindfulness technique that moms can use when we feel like we are about to lose it.
But first, does this sound familiar?
So you wake up in the morning and you are feeling really good. You even say to yourself, “Girl, this is going to be a great day!” Somewhat excitedly, you get out of bed, brush your teeth and wink at yourself because you are feeling cute, messy hair and all.
As you are on your way to wake the kids up for school and you almost can’t wait to see them and kiss and hug them. The #1 Mom is here today! Then you open their door and everything starts to change.
First, you can barely push the door open because there’s so much crap on the floor. Clothes, books, toys, food, just junk everywhere. Mind you, it is the same stuff you told him to pick up after school yesterday. The same stuff he told you he would pick up before going to bed last night. And it takes saying his name 3 times before he even moves much less wakes up.
The screaming crazy mom is out her cage!
That’s it, you lose it! Then the questions come out in rapid succession. Why is your room such a mess? Why didn’t you pick up your clothes like I told you? How many times do I have to tell you to do the same thing? What is wrong with you?
You are screaming at the loudest voice you could muster up. He even looks shocked. The other kids are looking at you like you are crazy. Finally you take a breath and realize that you do sound and look crazy.
What happened? How did you go from waking up and feeling like you are on top of the world to being the crazy screaming mom again?
Then just as bad, if not worst, the guilt and blame starts to fill your mind. “I’m such a bad mommy.” “How are my kids going to learn to be calm if I’m so crazy?” “Did I scar my kids for life?” “It’s my fault why they don’t listen to me.” “Now I ruined their day.” “How are they going to be able concentrate in school today?” And on and on…
That use to be me almost every day. Just highs and lows especially when it came to the kids. This made for a highly stressful life and not a very enjoyable one. The guilt and blame was the worst part of it. I wanted to be a better mother, wife and person. Something had to change.
This is where the practices of mindfulness helped me to become more of the woman I desire to be.
Mindfulness is about being aware of the present moment with kindness and without judgement. It’s a simple concept but not always easy. There are many formal and informal mindfulness practices that anyone especially busy Moms can do.
Click Link to “13 Times to Practice Mindfulness.”
One technique that you can use when you feel yourself about to go crazy or while you are in the thick of it is S.T.O.P.
S: Stop – Just stop for a moment. Don’t react to anything or whatever is happening in this moment.
T: Take – Take a breath. Notice where you sense the breath in the body.
O: Observe – Observe what is going on right now on the inside and on the outside of you.
P: Proceed – Proceed in a way that feels right to you and honors your values.
So how could we apply this to our situation above?
Let us begin, you enter the extremely messy room of your child who said he already cleaned it up last night. You are about to blow!
- Stop and don’t say or do anything!
- Take a breath, maybe 2 or 3. This is more for you than your child.
- Observe how the sight of all that junk on the floor is experienced in your body and thoughts.
- Proceed in a way that doesn’t make you feel like the screaming crazy mom.
Now this does not mean when you go in his room the next time there will not be stuff on the floor.
The S.T.O.P. technique just means you will not react like the screaming crazy mom anymore. You will feel more in control because you will choose your reaction.
Sometime that might mean that you decide to yell and sometimes that means you calmly take away TV privileges until you can walk into his room without stepping on stuff.
This is not a cure all to end all for the screaming crazy mom incidences but it can help to reduce them.
Let me know if the S.T.O.P. technique works for you. Do you use any other techniques that nourish who you are?
Much Love, CharmaineW
